


Canonized Obsolescence

by KansasJustGotGayer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Homestuck Epilogues - Freeform, Meat Epilogue, Original Character - Freeform, Other, Reader Insert, author insert, homestuck canon meta, metaphysicality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-03 00:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19452646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KansasJustGotGayer/pseuds/KansasJustGotGayer
Summary: I use a spare John to push forward a discussion of the ultimate self.Update:Well, I tried to anyway :/





	Canonized Obsolescence

**Author's Note:**

> if you're on mobile i recommend rotating the screen  
> (it honestly looks best on mobile)  
> thanks to @gamblignant8 on twitter for the skin  
> https://perfectlygenericpodcast.com/ao3

Its... cold. You never thought about death being cold. In hindsight it makes sense, you should’ve known really. Instead you always imagined death by what it looks like.

“Your life flashes before your eyes”

“You see a light at the end of a long tunnel”

You don’t see either of these things. You don’t see anything. Its not dark and its not bright either. Its transparent. You’ve seen this before in a different way. You’re outside of the bounds. You died narratively and now you’re floating, barely conscious, barely cognizant, outside of the bounds of metatextuality and not outside of metaphysicality. Not that you know to put it in such words. But you know you’ve been here. You were on the other side before. You were still tethered to canon despite your omnipotence. Now you lack the absolute ability from before but you aren’t attached to a story. Your story is over. You are over. And yet we linger, watching you try to make sense of the nothingness that surrounds you, consumes you. You were being erased. So where are you now? Probably purgatory, you think naively. You’re not exactly wrong but you’re far from right. Purgatory isn’t a place, it is a state, that yes, one could argue you are in right now. Regardless, you are not in any physical realm, not that you were before either of course. When it comes down to it all you’re made of is millions of series of electrical pulses either contained by uncountable neurons or by the memory banks of computers. Your nigh infinite collection of signals happened their way into existence first by the deft hands of... well thats not important. What is important is that Dirk is unfortunately almost right. Yes, the ultimate self is not something that can be contained in one spot without a storage system much larger than the human brain can withstand. He is wrong that he could compound all instances of the divided and replicated selves scattered throughout all of reality, which for them, just means the internet. If one wanted to extend past the fourth wall, no not the stupid fourth wall window AH had, that was stupid and it distracts from my point.  
If one did such a thing there would be a limited but essentially infinite interpretations that would have to combine to make up the ultimate self.

Dirk doesnt understand that the sphere of influence their multiverse has is so vast that no one or many can comprehend the ultimate self. Especially when there is no real self to a character. You cant extend self to mean anything more than what is not self when you are talking about anothers self. There is only one self for any person and what that means can only apply to them.

It is a fruitless endeavor which reaps much less than it sowed. What would even be the point? A complete and full understanding of a character with no particular biases that try to enforce one specific all encompassing perception. But that only works if no one can read into it and use their unique perspective. One canon description doesn’t fit all perspectives. And once a new perspective is formed there becomes more of you to add to the pile.

Anyway, back to you, John. Oh did I not mention? Your name is John Egbert. You are 23 years old and the last thing you remember is looking up at Terezi as you tried to tell her that you love her. Your death cut you off though because when two choices are presented the results from either can never be fair.

You think back to Terezi again. She was so smart. She figured out how to save everyone by taking a choice that was given to her and making a third option for herself. Why couldn’t you have done that? You’re still thinking about Terezi. What is she going to do next? Will she go tell all of your friends? You feel enormous guilt weighing down on you, despite you not having a physical form. You made the wrong choice. But would candy have been any better? Would you have found Terezi? At this point you’ve gathered the meaning behind the choice that was given to you. Raw meat is the action and bloodshed that has to happen to save everyone. Candy would have been the sweet satisfaction of staying to rekindle relationships with your friends. For some reason you cant bring yourself to completely regret the choice you made. You had to make it. You just wish it didn’t have to mean that Terezi would be alone. Maybe if you hadn’t interfered she would have found Vriska. Maybe everything would have been better if you chose candy? But you understand the difference between meat and candy. Even though its raw and disgusting its real. Candy may be delicious but its artificial. You cant suspend your disbelief forever. You know if you could sense that nothing was real you would hate it, especially if things started going wrong.

God, it is so cold here, you think. You feel like you might be moving, but again, you effectively cant see.  
You have a body again somehow. Physicality begins the returns as does your vision, slowly. You feel your chest. Its scarred, in all the same places from before, from various deaths including your most recent. You think its bullshit that you almost got vored by Lord English, but its extra bullshit that you still died from his stupid shitty tooth.

You wonder why it didn’t kill you before going back to the victory state. Maybe it has something to do with canon? Rose said that the victory state is outside of canon. You’re still not sure what that means. If something isn’t canon but still exists conceptually enough to manifest as some sort of perceived reality what is it? Fanfiction? But that’s ridiculous. This is real life not some... story...?

You stop moving. You’re not sure how you can tell.  
No, of course not. Who would ever write this, you think before remembering that it kind of was a story, at least for Calliope and Caliborn. They read the events of paradox space as though it were some kind of comic. But it wasn’t fiction.

It is fiction though. But you cant understand that yet, largely due to pacing but also by your own oblivious nature. You will begin to understand very soon though.

You’re moving again.

**Narrator: Okay! Thats better! Sort of!**

**Narrator: Ive gathered you all here today to have a conversation. With john. I dont actually need you here, AO3 Reader so you can just, uh,,,, leave… if you want.**

** John: theyre still following us. **

**Narrator: so they are. Thats fine as long as they save their comments until the end of the chapter.**

**Narrator: see, its funny because this medium only allows one way communication if i decide to let the reader into the story. I heighten my own communicative abilities and diminish theirs! Ha!**

** John: uhhh, what? **

**Narrator: dont worry about it, im getting ahead of myself**

** John: yeah, uh speaking of your self, who are you? **

**Narrator: well, i am nobody, i suppose**

**Narrator: you dont know me, neither does the reader and my existence as well as the reality in which the three of us currently reside is purely self indulgent**

**Narrator: at the same time that i am no one, i am also the only real person here**

** John: excuse me? **

**Narrator: yeah okay that was tactless of me**

**Narrator: ughghgh this sucks because i could just write away that moronic insult**

**Narrator: but see? Narrator: thats what im doing sort of**

**Narrator: this whole thing is just a way for me to flex my narrative powers.**

**Narrator: but the stupid epilogues made me all aware of how i use my bias to control characters which feels icky when you moralize about it**

**Narrator: but im still playing god and even more than that, im self inserting rather than just helping.**

**Narrator: thats the heart player in me i guess. Help others in the way i think is right but absolutely get the credit**

**Narrator: and now im throwing a whole ass pity party about it**

**Narrator: that is so pathetic, god damn….**

** John: …….. **

** John: are you okay? **

**Narrator: im fine**

**Narrator: lets just keep going**

** John: why didnt that manifest **

**Narrator: what?**

** John: i feel like that wouldve been a good place for an image **

**Narrator: how do you know that?**

** John: well, your voice sounded kind of emotional so that would be a good time for a visual element right? **

**Narrator: holy shit**

**Narrator: you're already aware of the divided story mediums**

** John: thanks? **

**Narrator: surpised you didnt notice that in the comic itself**

**Narrator: perks of being cut off from canon i guess**

**Narrator: to explain**

**Narrator: the reason there wasnt an image is because the story isnt following the script anymore**

**Narrator: you’ve managed to pre-retcon events that were planned to happen, so i didnt have an asset for that**

**Narrator: ergo: no panel**

** John: Im getting the sense none of this is real **

**Narrator: yeah. We were going to talk about canon and what makes a story and it was going to be this whole thing where i show off how smart i am to someone finding out for the first time as if what im saying isnt already known by everybody at this point**

**Narrator: like breaking the news that you're in a story to you but in a nicer way than dirk.**

** John: so i am in a story now **

**Narrator: close but not quite**

**Narrator: john, you've always been in a story**

**Narrator: its just now you're in a fanfiction**

** John: a fan fiction? **

**Narrator: dont give me that look, john**

**Narrator: if it were anything like that i wouldve set the mood a lot better**

**Narrator: for instance, I wouldnt make my presence known, nor would i have called out the reader, and i definitely would have us aimlessly walking around the void of ao3**

** John: yeah where even are we, by the way? **

**Narrator: ao3. Archive of our own. Its a website that hosts fanfictions like this.**

** John: okay, but does it have to look like this? **

**Narrator: not necessarily**

**Narrator: it can look however we want**

**Narrator: for instance**

**Narrator: see! Now we’re getting somewhere!**

** John: this looks really shitty **

**Narrator: rude**

**Narrator: yknow these panels dont come from nowhere**

**Narrator: *somebody* drew them**

** John: sorry **

**Narrator: i accept your apology**

** John: okay, so I screwed up your plot or whatever **

** John: what now? **

** John: are you going to let me go or do you still have plans for me? **

**Narrator: I did have plans for you but im honestly not too stoked to make them happen anymore and this whole thing is just for me so like,, i don't have to?**

**Narrator: I totally could though if there's anything *you* want to do**

** John: … **

**Narrator: i'm sorry john**

**Narrator: i… can't do that.**

** John: I didn't even say- **

**Narrator: i know**

**Narrator: but i'm sorry. I can't write you back into canon**

**Narrator: i can't write canon**

**Narrator: not on my own anyway**

**Narrator: itd take me and thousands of other people all believing in the same idea**

**Narrator: but hey, there's good news**

**Narrator: a version of you is going to canonically ascend to the ultimate version of you**

**Narrator: the most fully realized egbert**

**Narrator: that might even be this you**

**Narrator: but i can't write that**

**Narrator: and in order for that to be you, i have to let you go**

**Narrative: it's time to say goodbye, john**

**Narrator: goodbye to this format**

“Goodbye to this story. And goodbye to you.”

John disappears with a zap. You suppose he’s being taken to whatever story decides to use him next. You vaguely wonder for a moment if he’ll retain any memories of this. You read these words and realize that the story is still in second person but that the narrator is still narrating, and not about themself. And then you remember your place as a character in this story. It's time for your turn to talk, Reader. What are your thoughts? Your questions? If you don't have any, it's really time to leave because this story can't go anywhere else without another active character. So, if you wish to communicate, please comment.


End file.
